Feelings

I have been writing journals since I was in high school. Though not regularly, but I wrote them; not always about the “breathtaking” moments I experienced, but the thoughts I had. And how I’m grateful for lots of things/people.
When I went home for dashain this year, I wanted to write about feelings/emotions. Feelings/emotions that I & you(probably) feel.

The first thing that came to my mind was validation. It’s funny to me how I look for validation from people who might not give a flying f*ck about me. Validation for things that don’t even matter in the grand schemes of things, yet why do I do it?
How a simple gesture of validation from the other person can impact so much in my side.
To answer this I will add ego. I need my ego boost so that I can ‘believe’ that I am somewhat important, I am unique and I am not like everyone.
When someone validates me I get this ego boost; so that makes me important right? right?
Is this my all-knowing ego speaking from within me?
I don’t know for sure.
I would also like to write about anger. I am aware of my anger issues, I get angry when things don’t turn out the way I want, I get angry when I don’t feel apreciated enough, I have learned to control my anger nowadays tho. I have been learning that not everything is in my control.

As the stoics say, “You have control over your mind and not outside events realize this and you’ll find strength”.
Well, anyone can memorize a quote and puke it all, sounding “a wise man”.
I might be still far from understanding these emotions, but I try to be aware of them, and try to observe how they play role in my life. How I take wrong decisions simply because someone said something that hurt my ego.
But I have to understand that not everyone is perfect and I myself am full of flaws.
I have made mistakes and might make more in future, I may have said something to people that may have hurt them.
I need to be more aware of what I intend to do, instead acting solely on my impulses.